Drum Roll Please

If you've been following our journey at all you know it's been a bit of a roller coaster the past few months. We spent from March to the beginning of August thinking we were moving to Arkansas. We had a great opportunity fall into our lap but unfortunately the timing did not line up on that. We hope to still someday end up in the Ozarks of Arkansas but honestly we are taking things day-by-day and seeking God's will over our own.

God never sceases to amaze us. Proverbs 19:6
We may have a plan, but make no mistake God directs our path.

Why is that?
*Timing?
*Protection?
*Not His will?
* We still have more to learn

Maybe it's a combination of all the above. 

In the middle of things not working out the way WE planned it's easy to get discouraged, frustrated, and sad.

It has been easier for me when I realize God sees things that we can't right now, because when we get stuck in our vision it's all we can see. 

What is your dream?

Mine has always been to own a bed and breakfast I assumed that would be when I'm old and retired. But the more I thought about it the more I thought why does that have to be the stereotype? I'm not going to have the energy to keep up with a place at that age.

 So it's important when you have a goal to establish a plan, how are you going to get there? My very favorite quote

"A goal without a plan is just a dream." It's so true you go nowhere without a plan, you have to have a map, how do you get from A to B. 

Here comes the rest of the time line and how God blew our plan right out of the water.

So the door was slammed on Arkansas for the time being. We were hurt, disappointed, and frustrated. We had seeked God throughout the whole process, we really thought we heard him clearly. It's one hurt when YOUR plan fails, but it's a completely different hurt when the plan you thought God had for you falls through. 

In the midst of that hurt it has been absolutely incredible to sit back and watch how God turned our plan into something bigger than we could ever imagine. He's wasn't looking at the right now he was looking at long-term, he was drawing a map, he is establishing our steps so that our dream could be a reality. 

Arkansas fell through and almost immediately without skipping a beat the most incredible thing happened! The Bed and Breakfast I had been interning at to make sure this is really what I really wanted to do offered to start paying me, they asked me to come work for them! The next day I put in my two weeks notice at the Animal Hospital. So now I get to learn from in my opinion The best of the best everyday instead of once a week. I am learning so much! And I'm completely in my element guys this is what I was born to do! 

So here's the next huge surprise, brace yourself it's pretty incredible. 

In January we're selling our house. 

We get to go live on site at the bed and breakfast and I'm going to be The Innkeeper!! Financially this is huge for us!!!

We're really excited!! 

In addition to living in an actual bed and breakfast, learning the ins and outs, and saving for the future, we get to live a block away from W Magnolia! 

We spent the night the other day to see how Darcy felt about this decision... She approves, we walked to a nearby ice cream shop, she met other Urban pooches who also take their evening strolls down Magnolia. She felt very fancy as a lot of the shops leave out water bowls and dog biscuits 😂😆

In all seriousness we're really looking forward to this new adventure and all that is to come!

God is so good guys!

September...we meet again...

September's are really hard for me.

Let's talk about relationships for a moment. Some are more difficult than others but they all require one thing, investment. 

Whether it's a friendship, family, or your marriage the amount you invest in a relationship plays a huge role in the quality of that relationship agree?

Okay moving on... Did you ever do a biography and school? Researched everything there was to know about... Bob the Builder, you read all the books,  watched all his shows,...you knew everything about him, but did you know Bob the Builder?

There's a huge difference in knowing about God and knowing God. I'm going to say that again there's a huge difference in knowing ABOUT God and KNOWING God.

To have authentic faith we have to know WHO we're trusting.

So yes September's are hard for me they mark another year of delayed fertility. This is year 3

But guys I know the one I trust, we have a relationship. He knows the desires of my heart, he put them there and his plan is so good. 

So when things get hard I find my hope in him and as I take each new step that he shows me he never ceases to blow me away with his faithfulness. 

I love those in awe moments, those sweet surprises as you watch his plan unfold where you just sit back and say "wow you are SO good" and I think he has a sense of humor as he giggles "yee of little faith I know, loosen the grip a little I've got this...PROMISE." 

Pursue a relationship with the father because I promise he's pursuing one with you. He wants you to know him not just know about him. 

Let him prove his faithfulness to you, it's so fun!

Finding Joy In The Wait

Remember when you were a kid and you'd ask your parents for something or to go somewhere?

Man I remember getting so upset when things didn't go my way, when I got that "No" 

Especially when what I was asking was within reason, I'd get so mad and it didn't matter the reason I would have a reason their reason wasn't relevant. Or oh man would I bargain "I'll do X,Y, and Z if you'll just let me go!"

Their reasons were never because I was a bad kid they always had my best interest at hand, but my idea of my best interest and their idea of my best interest a lot of the times weren't the same and we clash. My parents never wasted time trying to explain theirselves, they didn't have to, they were the parents it was my job to just obey. 

As I grew up and got more mature it became easier to understand and see their whys.

How often is what we pray within reason?

Our hearts desires are valid that's why those "No's" or "Not yet's" are so frustrating and heartbreaking, we've all been there.

God has many titles but if you could pick one what do you think His #1 job is?

I think God is most interested in developing our character (Gen 1:27)

I don't know about you but christlikeness doesn't come second nature for me.

 My initial response is usually 100% human.

So when we got the official "no" on the Bed and Breakfast Monday it was really easy for me to add it to my list of the things that just aren't happening for us.

Even though that "no" is more like a "not yet" it didn't comfort me at all it was heartbreaking.

I had to choose to either wallow in a pity party or let God pick me up, sling off the tears, and press on. There is work to be done. 

How much sweeter are the things that we earn through sweat, blood, and tears? 

I'm trusting that God has more to teach me.

You can't wallow and be joyful at the same time. I have far too many blessings to waste time counting the few I don't have.

Like this man who has stood by my side through thick and thin, believes in me, and loves me unconditionally "today tomorrow and forever". My heart is full.

So when people ask me what I want to be when I grow up I'll keep saying "A Bed and Breakfast owner" and I'll keep growing up.

Bet

How often do you bet on yourself?

I'm not talking about being conceited. I'm talking about being confident and trusting God to handel the rest.

If you read my last blog you learned that I'm a big planner but that I'm choosing to let my faith be bigger than my fear. That I don't have it all figured out but I trust the one who does. 

So think back when was the last time you bet on yourself? 
Like a "I'm going for it!" 

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the day to day and start to coast. Sometimes we say no out of fear, we're too scared so we let our fear still us. When we don't move, we don't grow. 

What is it really that we're scared of? I know personally it's Failing. I like Lucas Grahams words best: 
"I only see my goals, I don't believe in failure'Cause I know the smallest voices, they can make it major."

The truth is we can play the "what if" game everyday. We what if about our today, our tomorrows, and even our yesterdays, but is that really what God wants?

At some point I have to realize that someone bigger than any of my fears has it all figured out.

Will you trust Him with me or waste your days in fear? Bet on yourself, bet on others, most of all bet that God has all the details figured out, you can't lose when you bet on His plan.

"You wonder
What if I am overtaken?
What if I never make it?
What if no ones there?
Will you hear my prayer?
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know he won't let you go
So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste don't wait
And don't you turn around and miss out on everything you were made for" -Britt Nicole

Do you have it all figured out?

 I have always been a planner. 

I enjoy thinking things through step by step and figuring out the best way to accomplish something. I like to call the shots, and there is peace in preparedness. 

There is such satisfaction in planning something and watching it succeed.

How about you? Can you relate? 

Where do you think this comes from? Is it a women thing? A personality trait? Or does it stim from something deeper? 

For me I think it is rooted like this. 

I don't like surprises. Have you ever been blindsided? It's not fun. Everything is going well and then bam out of left field your left speechless. Things didn't go as planned and now what? I think God waits for our "now whats" not that he wants us to fail but that he wants us to realize how we don't have as much control as thought. 

Don't get me wrong I'm not saying you should just sit back and do nothing waiting for everything to just happen. I don't believe that's what God wants either. Find the middle between the two extremes. Be smart but don't try to orchestrate every detail of your life. 

Here's the problem with expectations. 

Right after a blindside have you ever been like "Thank you Lord!!!" Maybe later on after you process everything and realize what a disaster THAT could have been if it had all worked out. But initially you're devastated right? Things did not work out the way you thought they were going to, your left speechless. And there's the problem, when they don't workout you're only left one way. 

Okay let's switch roles for a bit have you ever experienced something that just couldn't be explained? Like everything leading up to it fits into place seamlessly without your hand of control in it at all? Some people call that fate or destiny, that's God. And if you've ever experienced it you know you're also left speechless. In a different kind of way not devastated, but wowed. Completely amazed, like everything makes sense. 

I have a crib full of diapers. It lives in our "nursery" I'm not sure if you know this or not but we don't have kids.

Over the last few years I've experienced extreme heartache.  That's not what God wants for me. He wants me to enjoy the season that he has me in. That's what he wants for you too! Trust me when I say it's impossible to do that if your standing around staring at unmet expectation..... and empty diapers.

This time last year we went on a vacation. 

The funny thing is we planned that whole vacation around one thing, white water rafting it was mid way through planning when we discovered one small detail the state we were planning our vacation to wasn't the same state that we had planned to raft. Our vacation was planned for Colorado the river was in Arkansas. We weren't even supposed to be in Arkansas..., or were we? At the time I had no idea how influential Arkansas would be and I was frustrated but we decided go to Arkansas.

We spent 10 days there, we camped, we hiked, we floated, and it rained. It rained most of the time. It was the best vacation I have ever had. When we get back home I didn't stop talking about it, I talked, and I talked, and I felt like I was supposed to be there. I came to the conclusion that maybe one day we would be or maybe we would have a vacation spot or a vacation home. But since this time last year Arkansas hasn't stopped calling me. I would have never imagined that my husband would be the one to kick-start it all. He started looking at properties and doing a little research which led to a trip down there and us falling in love with a home. 

Over the last couple of months things have gotten real and things keep just falling into place, someone else is orchestrating for once and it's not me.

A couple of weeks ago I started to panic and there's been this stress. "But I don't know how to run a business" "I don't know what I'd be doing"  "What if I mess something up?" Then there's been the shear cram sessions, learn everything as fast as you can, read this book, look this up, learn how to do this...... sleepless nights, crunching numbers. Worry, doubt, and fear. 

Last night I had some honest time with God and I just shared with him my fears and even though there within reason he reminded me of something, the nursery and the diapers. In a loving father way he reminded me that I don't have to have all the details together that yes there are some basic pieces that still need to be confirmed but as far as cramming all the little details, he realigned my priorities. 

I felt a really strong urge to just trust him instead of question details. I feel like he was a little offended. Not one of the Arkansas things have I had to try to figure out yet he has been opening doors and leading the way the whole time. So I was faced with a question, am I going to let him continue to do that or am I going to try to take over?

We don't have it all figured out but I can honestly say that I believe God does. Every little detail.

Mixin' batter lickin' spoons

I grew up on a kitchen counter mixing batter and lickin' spoons. If I was not already in the kitchen my nana would call out "Magpie come taste this" and in I'd run. "What's it need?" She'd ask. There was something so special about getting to put my two cents in, as a young girl it made me feel important and needed. My nana and mom helped shape me into the woman I am today, they are my inspiration.  Wherever we end up you can bet your bottom dollar you'll find a cup a tasting spoons on the kitchen counter.

I can't tell you exactly when I woke up and said "One day I want run a B&B" but B&B's have always intrigued me, hosting is my favorite, and I definitely have a table setting obsession!

Last year we vacationed to Arkansas, the Ozarks.

I haven't stopped talking about it since we left. Jeremy didn't take me seriously at first, I think he was trying to sort out reality from fantasy. One day a couple months ago he started looking at property in Arkansas.
He wanted to start researching what area would be best to open a bed and breakfast. Well long story short, 1 Facebook post and 146 comments later we took a road trip to see a few things for ourselves. As the days go by this dream gets closer and closer to a reality.

I'm currently doing an internship with a local Bed and Breakfast, it started last week and has been nothing short of spectacular!

I wanted to make sure I was sure. So I did what SO many people do at the animal hospital, I called around. "I want to own a Bed and Breakfast can I come shadow yours?" Everyone I called seemed more than willing but there was one that was different. She was just as excited as me, to have me, to show me, and to teach me. In fact she was in my same shoes a few years ago. She did an internship for 6 months! I am so thankful for her willingness to allow her business to be an open book for me to learn from!
I have already learned so much and I'm having a ball! Although I have only been a few times now I know I'm sure. This is my calling. Have you ever known something right from the beginning? Or you thought you knew but needed to be sure sure? I was ment to serve! To open my home to strangers and make them feel at home when there not. No it's not very glamorous but it's special.
A few people have asked why I'd want to work for free on my days off. The simple truth is I'm not.

The things that I'm learning are priceless.

I'm not sure what our future holds but I am confident in the one that does, and He is working all the waiting together for our good. I'm excited and I'm thankful.
What are some family traditions you hope to pass along? I think there is such an importance in sharing the past, it helps shape the future. What's important to you? Do you ever wonder if you're doing what God created you to do?

Waiting Well

It's easy in the middle of the wait to start to question and even start to believe lies that try an creep in. Satan loves for us to question God's will. It creates distance and doubt during a time God is trying to strength our relationship with Him.

Here are a few questions that become easy to start asking while we wait.

"Did I hear God correctly?"
"I thought this is what God wanted me to do so why is it so hard?"
When uncertainty and doubt start trying to steal my joy I run to God, by praying and spending time with Him I can regain confidence as God guides my steps.

Am I not praying hard enough?
Prayer doesn't always change our circumstances but it almost always changes how I feel about my circumstances.
Don't know how to pray?
Just talk to God.
Sound bonkers? That's okay, you talk to yourself right? It's no different than that.
I always end my prayer the same way
"God not my will but yours."

Do I not have enough faith?
"Christian's: We have the same problems just a different solution."

Just because I'm a believer doesn't mean my access to God is different than anyone else's. That's the beauty of the cross, equal access. "The vail was torn" we don't have to go through a high persist anymore and unbelievers don't have to go through Christians. No one has to interceed for you. Right where you are you can go to Him. We are all unworthy but it's about a "consistent faith not a perfect faith" -Bill Stewart

I just think if you have tried other things and it's not working, why not give this whole God thing a try? What do you have to loose?

I know I use quotes and song lyrics a lot but "people ask me how do I know what I believe? Well I'm not the same me and that's all the proof I need." -Britt Nicole

I'm not perfect I constantly need grace and forgiveness, but I am a different person than I was 8yrs ago. I'll be different next year too, because this is about continued growth. I love that I don't have to pretend to have it all together. It's through transparency that people come to faith.

I'm thankful for our church. Our church is different, It's hard to explain...they call it "a hospital for the broken, not a place for the righteous." So if you're looking for the perfect church it's not ours, but if you're looking for a "come as you are" place where real people do life together there is a seat for you at The Table!
http://thetablecc.com/

Waiting seasons are growing seasons.
Yes its hard and it hurts, I know, I'm right there with you sweet friend but there is a purpose, one that we can't see right now.

If you're finding yourself asking some of these questions it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Just be sure that these questions lead you to seek Jesus and His will instead of letting the questions cause distance, resentment, and doubt.

A Day in Dallas

We spent the day in Dallas 

Jeremy and I started the journey in January of digging for awnsers on why we have had zero luck getting pregnant. 

And while January to March doesn't seem that long it has been. We began getting anxious in February when our last HSG failed. They couldn't get a catheter to pass at all. This of course brought up all kinds of questions and concerns. With our doctors telling us not to worry we waited. 

Doing an HSG is very time sensitive, they are pretty strict of the timing 7-10 days post period. So having to wait another month after the first one failed was annoying. 

Today we got some good news. 

We can have babies! 

Everything is fine!

My uterus is tilted which is why the first HSG was unsuccessful. 

It is such a relief to know that the last 27 months of negative pregnancy tests is nothing more than a timing issue. 

So now what?

Well we were given the option to start a medication to speed up this wait. We will continue to pray about that, but as of right now we don't feel like that's what God has for us. 

We will continue to seek Him for our next steps and continue trying. 

 And for the nerds (like me🤓)

Circled are my fallopian tubes (strand of hair) both are visable due to dye passing through and out meaning no blockade 😊

It is also worth noting that getting an HSG can help fertility because it flushes out your tubes,...so here's to that! 

Peace! Be still.

"I don't wanna think

I may never understand

That my broken heart is a part of your plan

I know you're good

But this don't feel good right now

And I know you think

Of things I could never think about

It's hard to count it all joy

Distracted by the noise

Just trying to make sense

Of all your promises

Sometimes I gotta stop

Remember that you're God

And I am not." - Hillary Scott

What do you choose to believe about Jesus? Is He good? We all know he's good, but I mean is he always good? Our pastor shared something on Sunday that I want to pass along. 

"Jesus is either a liar, a lunatic, or the son of God." -C.S. Lewis 

I just kinda loved that, it's true you can believe one of three things about Jesus

1) He's a liar

2)  He's straight up off his rocker.

3) He really is all he claims to be. 

 Let's re-read Hillary Scott's lyrics above again. Are broken hearts part of God's plan? And how is that "good"? 

The thing we have to remember is we don't get to see it all at once. We get bits and pieces at a time. So while we are down here thinking 

"God WHAT are you doing?" 

"Are you even awake up there?" 

"Great everyone and their dog is pregnant."

God is seeing the whole thing from above, and he's got the whole picture. So as we sit down here sounding like kids in the backseat on a road trip "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? " Try and think of the wait as a checklist.

He loves you and me far too much to answer our prayer at any other time than the right time. What wouldn't get checked off the list if He answered your prayer right now? Maybe your faith in God's timing is strengthening someone else's faith? Maybe he is molding and shaping you? Maybe even maybe what you're going through will be what finally bringing someone else to faith?

I like to think when I get to heaven one day there will be various rows of people. And I'll be all like "umm who are these people?" And he will go by each row "This is your friendship row." "Marriage row." And I think there will be a delayed fertility row. Each row would hold people who were touched, effected, or even changed by witnessing the way I lived, by my struggles and how I handled them.

My favorite quote

"Preach the gospel and if necessary use words." -St. Francis 

Our actions and reactions always speak loader than our words.

Or this one. 

"Christians we have the same problems just a different solution."

Things aren't always easy but when we remember "Sometimes I gotta stop

Remember that you're God

And I am not." - Hillary Scott 

We don't have the whole story and it's not our job to. "What's the point in faith if you never have to use it?"- Jeremy Desnoyers

 How can you deepen your relationship with God if you aren't seeking that next step, if you're not having to rely on him? We wouldn't need him if...we didn't need him.  Sometimes God is just more concerned with changing us than our circumstances. 

Happy Tuesday sweet friends I'll end with this video. An accurate representation of what it will look like when all our box's are checked and God provides that positive pregnancy test. 😂

Why "Delayed Fertility"

If you look up infertility in the dictionary here's what you'll find

Infertility: The inability to conceive or carry a pregnancy to term after 12 months of trying to conceive.

My name is Magen I'm 29 years old.

I have been married to my best friend for seven years and we've been trying to start our family for two years and 7 months. 

So why "delayed fertility"? 
I have never liked the word infertility. Even prior to being here it never really set well with me. I'm not in denial, I'm just not willing to accept that terminology.

Here's the thing: This blog is going to be above all else REAL, real honest, real deep, at times it might be real sad, real funny. 

In life we have two choices we can let what happens to us make us bitter or better. Our reactions are the only thing we have "real" control over. 

This blog is not about me it's about who I'm becoming through what I'm going through. 

The truth is what we go through will change us. How are you going to allow what you're going through change you? How will you react?