I have always been a planner.
I enjoy thinking things through step by step and figuring out the best way to accomplish something. I like to call the shots, and there is peace in preparedness.
There is such satisfaction in planning something and watching it succeed.
How about you? Can you relate?
Where do you think this comes from? Is it a women thing? A personality trait? Or does it stim from something deeper?
For me I think it is rooted like this.
I don't like surprises. Have you ever been blindsided? It's not fun. Everything is going well and then bam out of left field your left speechless. Things didn't go as planned and now what? I think God waits for our "now whats" not that he wants us to fail but that he wants us to realize how we don't have as much control as thought.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying you should just sit back and do nothing waiting for everything to just happen. I don't believe that's what God wants either. Find the middle between the two extremes. Be smart but don't try to orchestrate every detail of your life.
Here's the problem with expectations.
Right after a blindside have you ever been like "Thank you Lord!!!" Maybe later on after you process everything and realize what a disaster THAT could have been if it had all worked out. But initially you're devastated right? Things did not work out the way you thought they were going to, your left speechless. And there's the problem, when they don't workout you're only left one way.
Okay let's switch roles for a bit have you ever experienced something that just couldn't be explained? Like everything leading up to it fits into place seamlessly without your hand of control in it at all? Some people call that fate or destiny, that's God. And if you've ever experienced it you know you're also left speechless. In a different kind of way not devastated, but wowed. Completely amazed, like everything makes sense.
I have a crib full of diapers. It lives in our "nursery" I'm not sure if you know this or not but we don't have kids.
Over the last few years I've experienced extreme heartache. That's not what God wants for me. He wants me to enjoy the season that he has me in. That's what he wants for you too! Trust me when I say it's impossible to do that if your standing around staring at unmet expectation..... and empty diapers.
This time last year we went on a vacation.
The funny thing is we planned that whole vacation around one thing, white water rafting it was mid way through planning when we discovered one small detail the state we were planning our vacation to wasn't the same state that we had planned to raft. Our vacation was planned for Colorado the river was in Arkansas. We weren't even supposed to be in Arkansas..., or were we? At the time I had no idea how influential Arkansas would be and I was frustrated but we decided go to Arkansas.
We spent 10 days there, we camped, we hiked, we floated, and it rained. It rained most of the time. It was the best vacation I have ever had. When we get back home I didn't stop talking about it, I talked, and I talked, and I felt like I was supposed to be there. I came to the conclusion that maybe one day we would be or maybe we would have a vacation spot or a vacation home. But since this time last year Arkansas hasn't stopped calling me. I would have never imagined that my husband would be the one to kick-start it all. He started looking at properties and doing a little research which led to a trip down there and us falling in love with a home.
Over the last couple of months things have gotten real and things keep just falling into place, someone else is orchestrating for once and it's not me.
A couple of weeks ago I started to panic and there's been this stress. "But I don't know how to run a business" "I don't know what I'd be doing" "What if I mess something up?" Then there's been the shear cram sessions, learn everything as fast as you can, read this book, look this up, learn how to do this...... sleepless nights, crunching numbers. Worry, doubt, and fear.
Last night I had some honest time with God and I just shared with him my fears and even though there within reason he reminded me of something, the nursery and the diapers. In a loving father way he reminded me that I don't have to have all the details together that yes there are some basic pieces that still need to be confirmed but as far as cramming all the little details, he realigned my priorities.
I felt a really strong urge to just trust him instead of question details. I feel like he was a little offended. Not one of the Arkansas things have I had to try to figure out yet he has been opening doors and leading the way the whole time. So I was faced with a question, am I going to let him continue to do that or am I going to try to take over?
We don't have it all figured out but I can honestly say that I believe God does. Every little detail.
